apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize