Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
