The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
