Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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