my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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