Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
