goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
