Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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