Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
