so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
