I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
