i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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