Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
