I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
