we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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