I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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