Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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