I'm going to jail i love you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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