sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
