I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
where am i from again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
