woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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