I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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