Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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