i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
