I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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