And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
