we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
