just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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