Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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