At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
