I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
