apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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