They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
