is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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