this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
