my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
