I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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