I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
