the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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