I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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