I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
