So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
