Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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