Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
