i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
