Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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