he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
