Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
