It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
