If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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