dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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