we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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