I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
