the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
