threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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