i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
