So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
