do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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