I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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