He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
