dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
