Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize