Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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