It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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