new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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