The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
