ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
