did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am naked and annoyed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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