fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
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Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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