I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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