Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
