So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they're like a gay fantastic four
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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