You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
